This is… “Are you Bat shit Crazy” look….

A Toddler that knew she was looking at… Bat Shit Crazy…

I was about a year old when this picture was taken and you won’t find any of me smiling until much later…. Born self aware and high IQ…. I knew I was in hell and didn’t know how to escape…. I was looking at my mother, who had abused me while dad was on remote assignment for the Air Force…

Little did I know, but the man holding me… would kill me…. as would the woman taking the picture…

I’ll never understand christians… It’s like if you believe in their god, you can rape, murder and steal… but god will forgive you…. I would like to kick that god in the nuts a few thousand times….. just saying….

That look on this childs face is one that is all to familiar to me…. my hubby gets that look once in a while when he does stupid…. but he turns the table on me too… because we be smoking some killer medical pot and my short term memory issues are a daily occurence… so he bait’s me, sets the trap and damn…. I be like, oh yea…. okay it’s funny because I know the circumstances he pulled on me recently and I still smile about it…..

But that look on my face, is used as an adult and has been used my whole life…. as I look at the rude granchild or kid that thinks… mind you not well, but thinks it’s okay to be rude, disrespectful and most of all use us as a punching bag for the problems they created….

Damn and I am thinking of moving home for that??????? Okay I need to see a shrink… Just Saying…..

Thus the conumdrum of where to move to…. do I want to live on the coast, so I can protect my adopted sis and kick a young man’s ass into reality…. or do I want to live in Okanogan county and give my rude grandchildren a wake up call????

Decisions, decisions, decisions…. and truly we haven’t made one yet… becuase we don’t know what the hell the VA is doing about my dental issues that are now causing health issues….. and at this rate, I won’t have a ass to sit on, becuase all that tissue will be used to rebuild my pelvic floor… honest, you can’t fix stupid, when the government runs health care…

Veterans are a prime example that Sanders and Warren haven’t a clue about health care… they can’t even take care of 100% disabled veterans like me….

I just spent $2,000 of my own money on cataract surgery….. so much for government health care…. and Biden… christian Biden or Buttigeg or however you spell the boys name… he picked up religion too???? who the hell do we vote for that is not insane with religion????? just wow on our selections….. just wow……

Hubby hanging the new larger sun shades outside, that filter the heat and sun, our house is not insulated and only here are they that cheap and stupid….. so we block the sun, planted trees that wouldn’t hit the house for now and use what we can that is available, without spending thousands to insulate the house….. sigh………………………………………………..

So over stupid builders…. with degrees… education just isn’t giving what you are paying…. obviously, look at Trump…

Hot days in November… broke a record yesterday… AC on and if implants are being done… I’m putting the split AC in the bedrooms…. run fans or AC it costs ya the same…. AC more comfortable than fans….

We have avacados falling every place, oranges have been picked… grapefruit is starting to turn pink….. next year, we should have more than we can eat…. local pantry will get that…. between the Mauna Kea debacle and last years lava flow and hurricanes… our island is in financial trouble… because of superstitions…. at least I’ll build equity, while I spin my wheels….

Told hubby, dreaming has been interesting… instead of PTSD nightmares… I laugh at Trump and his christian base and know I am watching the Salem Witch trials all over again, except… I wasn’t alive during those… but am now and liars and cheats and cons with their snake oil is all we are seeing…. We need another Obama or Lincoln….so over stupid arrogant religious morons….

As the chaos from the strokes and briain injuries melt into the sunset…. the lack of beliefs in my abilities that have been confirmed by doctors… still boggles me a little… but mostly, it explains why people used me for decades instead of paying lawyers or doctors….. and some asked and ignored the advice and died less than 2 years later…. sigh…. so much lost, because of PTSD and Agent Orange….

The abnormal brain wave, is losing it’s control… it happened recently…. it left me tired, upset stomach… but that is it… no confusion…. no indecisive behavior… just felt drained, as If I had done a marathon… so, not sure neurology is going to do me any good at this point….. If I have learned how to control it on my own…. but it still packs a punch to my central nervous system….

The exercises are working… the body knots up thou…. charlie horse last night… back shoulder muscle tried doing the same… but I got them to relax without medication… so progress… and knowledge, this will be a lifelong task…. because of the damage from domestic violence…..

Vision… damn, I wish I could say I got 20/20… but that’s not happening and it could be just what I have learned to live with and explains my job choices over the years…. the head injuries caused permanent nerve damage to my eyes and the eye surgeon, will diagnosis that eventually with more test….sigh……..

I got my jewelry craft set up… but haven’t been able to do much without new eye glass’s… so a few more weeks, another post op and hopefully a new perscription for me eyes… my hands and arm are not happy about all the computer playing out of boredom…..

Day has started… need to try an eat a real breakfst today… body is settling down from the last brain wave malfunction….

Life is like a box of choclates… sometimes you just got to take that leap of fait and bite into it and see what you get….. or bury your head in the sand….

I plan to take that bite every day… Knowledge is power…..

I Remember…. Margie….

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