PTSD, TBI & POT….

I love whiskey sours… was my line on Okinawa… and got introduced to singapore slings… but I never was a drinker… until I married hubby and boy, could I drink the man under the table and still, function… okay, maybe, some what?????

Not knowing I ever had strokes, seizures or traumatic brain injury, left me open to every possible death call out there….

Joined the military…. got pregnant twice… went under major anesthesia more times than I can count and thinking… El Paso has some explaining to do over that leg surgery in Nov 2011… post ox was not normal… you know who you are at that VA……

When I stood in Freda’s kitchen and told her, just before we left… that I was missing memory and she refused to answer me, instead gave me an excuse and refused to make eye contact and the moment in time was gone, to redeem herself…..

she let it pass through her fingers… own her life… no, she prayed to her man made god instead……

When I did the VA elvaluation and had to do the extensive psych testing, which came back…. Above average intelligence and PTSD because of illness… at that time in 2010… they thought I had fibromyalgia… we now know it’s been two forms of neuropathy since I was a child…..

That, along with the behavior of the principal players… Sherlock Holmes would be proud… I deduced what had happen… but I needed proof…

In 2017… when I knew I was headed for some kind of psychosis… I had hubby see neurology and got him tested… when his tests were normal… I knew… it was me…

Within a couple months of those results… the airman killed 26 people in Sutherland Springs, Texas…. on Nov 5, 2017…..

2 days later… Margie woke up…. and by Dec 2018 a MRI confirmed traumatic brain injury, blood on the brain, a stroke or strokes… and possible seizures…

I never knew… but I had an idea……

As I work on trying to piece this all together… I have had to deal with major health issues, that were created by the Veterans health care system…. turned 65 and started using my medicare in earnest… so I could see again… other health care will come in time…

Holidays are approaching… not much will happen the rest of this year, but I will request the referrals and bypass the VA death care… and pay the difference out of pocket, only so that I may get some answers and put some of this to rest….

The pot helps… oh my goodness it helps… I quit drinking when hubby gave it up… I like a cocktail… but got nada in my home… and I’m okay with that and so is my tummy… but the pot helps…

It helps with the pain, it helps with the nonstop stomach upset… it helps with the emotional roller coaster I live daily as I relive the childhood that was stolen from me…

Some of the puzzle is still out of place and not in its proper order… neurology and psychology says this is normal… add some kick ass medical marijuana and I’m good… though at some point in time, just like with the booze… so too will the pot go… just not right now….

Out of all the drugs the military had me on and the VA, plus private doctors… pot has done the most for me and least amount of damage to me… can’t say that for some of the medications the military and VA pushed….

Honestly… exercise is my crux… I hate doing it… but I am fighting myself, to a mindset, that wins… until that happens, the battle continues… at least I walk a mile every day…and we have a clean home….

The next two years will fly by… time always does for me… it goes to quick, not enough time in the day to accomplish all I work at… I really need a magic wand or the ability to wiggle my nose or cross my arms and blink… and poof, all my projects and research done…

I wish….maybe a gremlin will write the book too…. in my dreams………

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s