Memories open up like a flower, you just stop & smell them as it unfurls….

Busy as usual on Hawaii, before it gets hot… the only issue I have… the heat… my neuropathy is not a fan of heat… an global warming bodes ill for people with this condition….

And as I am going around a memory unfurls before my eyes… hubby is telling me his adventure this morning, opening up more of our acre and as his voice fades in the background, I see a little girl……………………………..

She is getting up in the middle of the night… hungry… always hungry…. we are living in that brand new trailer the folks bought in Kansas… before we moved to Alabama….

Alabama… that state holds a lot of horrors for this little girl… and the first horror of living in that trailer was the boob incident… the picture was used in the blog… it’s the school picture… the marks of that beating still visible in the picture from the head on down…. that trailer was the start of the night time …… building for dramatic effect… oh just think of that piano chord… and that will be when my memories pick up…

So between the TV interview in Kanasa, before we bought the trailer… and before the birth of David…. I got my first brain injury that I remember… that means… shaken baby syndrome was likely… Freda had no patients with crying babies and I was sick my first 6 months of life… and it never got better… the blow to the backside at about a year old was just the tip of the ice berg of abuse against Margie…

And once Peggy was born and her ovary got a cyst and caused her to grow to fast… she was able to join in on the abuse… her finger prints are on my neck in the boob incident school picture…. Margie didn’t stand a chance….

The memory that opened… these back stories all have import on this memory….

That is when dad was at the bay of pigs and Freda beat the crap out of me again…. and this time… I was strangled an lost conciousness…. such good christians…

This is when it started… eating the ex-lax choclate at night… to keep my bowels from backing up… IBS with constipation and a 8 year old figured it out…. I would steal a piece of fresh bread from the bag… this is what my life became at 8… trying to keep from being hungry and keeping my insides working… the beginning of the never ending nauseau… likely from the beatings changing my rib cage with so much calcification, that by the time I was 25 and in the military… my rib cage looked like that of a 65 year old woman… and doctors asked and I told them what Freda told me… nothing ever happened to me……………………………………………………….

The night time frig raid… started after that beating around the time of the bay of pigs and we were in Alabama…

Alabama would hold that memory… of the beating and the subsequent rape by a Staff Sargeant in his home as I babysat… just before dad went to Vietnam…. this is when I picked up Interstatial cycstitis…. and illness to this day that is painful in the bladder and caused me surgeries that were never necessary, because Air Force doctors knew more about my body than I did… 100 % Service Connected veteran, because of their ignorance and my amnesia…. sometimes that bucket of shit… smells damn good….

Alabama… it’s where the digestive issues started, that I live with today… 57 years later…. I was 8 years old when Freda beat me to death and Peggy strangled me till I suffocated…

Margie… she never stood a chance against those so called good people known as christians…

That’s what these people call themselves… good christians are Trump, Mulvaney, KellyAnn, Jordan, Mcarthy…. these are the people you elected that are dismantling our democracy… so Russia can move right in…. think I’m wrong…

Well you can’t fix stupid and I would go to jail if they let me fix it…

Enough said.. and a piece of the amnesia puzzle is resolved… I am hoping for more…..

I Remember… Margie…..

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