Evolution of PTSD Nightmares…

At one time, all I dreamed of, was falling… never got it, but as the amnesia backs off, some is coming forward and in the back of my mind, I remembered being dumped on my head, night after night from the top bunk… and I always thought it was me, rolling out of bed…. and it was actually my sister walking my body across the bed and on to the floor… this went on for about a year… number of concusions unknown, but the bone scans with radioactive isotopes… showed an uptake in the occipital part of my skull… makes sense…. now… but it didn’t when I was active duty… it was all in my head, my mind… not physical… but mental… how wrong the men in medicine got it at that time and still are getting it wrong at this time….

If my case was straight forward, I would fit into a classic domesitic violence scenario… but my case is not straight forward… I can remember abuse as young as less than a year old…. the woman, should have been fixed after her first childbirth….

What would come, would be 62 years of abuse and torment… manipulation by a simple minded woman, who made every one think it was the man only…. sadly, Don went to his grave thinking the love of his life really cared… she never did… it was about what she wanted and it didn’t matter who or what she took down to get it and that is true to this very day….

Though I do have some PTSD nightmares with my active duty time… all of my PTSD is directly related to the U. S. Government and it’s ongoing need to bury the truth…. just look at Trump and his administration…

The new memory has thrown things into a little chaos, not much… it’s affecting my sleep, but so is my fall cold… go figure on that….

It will work it’s way out… and It will come clear as time goes by….

Yesterday I told hubby, abnormal brain wave… and this morning… I got the full brunt of that wave… again, I think the Autonomic neuropathy and this brain wave are connected… hopefully neurology next spring and some tests by summer and answers by fall… yep, they are that short of specialist here on Hawaii…. but time I got… dental implants are going to take a couple years… so answers I will get… I hope….

My brain keeps going back to the time we lived in Alabama… that memory has always been a chore and confusing… well it was, not anymore… that old french style frig that Freda still had when I was active duty… that memory is the trigger for the boob incident, Don being at the bay of pigs and the stragulation that I suffered at the hands of my sister…. this memory is pivotal in establishing, I NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP with my younger sister… she threw me under the bus for her god, so she could feel okay about trying to kill me…. just that simple… so, yea, this memory is important…

I had told hubby months ago, I honestly didn’t think I would remember anything new… and here I am, seeing a memory, as if it was yesterday…..

Fall cold, lots of left overs… need to get moving…no walking this morning, head to stuffy… but it will clear… so will the day and things will get worked on… life goes on and the memories keep happening…. the brain, best toy, humans ever had….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember…. Margie….

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