You only Fail, when you Quit Trying….

Some think you fail if you “try” and not “do”…. that is religion at its best… a head fake….

As long as you keep trying, you never fail, but will you ever succeed????

At one time I would have said I would never made it this far in remembering….

I have been trying to remember what happened to me in 1967, since it happened… and my mother Freda, decided to play god, since she learned, when I died that god does not exist… but when she learned that after I died… the evil permiated through our home and it’s name was human….

But I too, like the rest of the family fell for her bull shit and it took a young man murdering 26 innocent people in Texas, Nov 5, 2017 for Margie to wake up and the trying was no more, because I was doing….

I was remembering….

When I let the family know I remembered… you would have thought I grew into Gonzila or Hydra or what ever….

I want to throw a rock at hubby, he’s deep into his weed eating and making a racket… but I know it’s his way of dealing with his demon….he’s trying… that’s all I can ask…

I haven’t read anymore about the ankaloysing stuff… figure this is something I have had since the TV beating… and still served my country… and my kids wonder why I have zero tolerance for excuses…. I was in basic 2 months after my son was born… what a ride, this life has been…

And I’m still trying….

The abnormal brain wave… got a strong feeling it’s connected to the glands in the brain and much more…

The brain wave thing is annoying, it’s like a hot flash, but not even remotely like a hot flash… no, this damn thing is going off, like a pin ball machine and I can’t tell If I’m triggering it, because of the new memory and my brain is waking up or what!!! and reading more neurology isn’t going to do me any good, until I understand where the activity in the brain is at and it’s implications… throw in Endo on this and I may just get some answers, instead of more questions… regardless… I have been in control when the activity starts… and what is more weird… before when it happened, it made remembering the moments hard… now, it’s more of controlling the physical aspect of the wave and deal with the moments its happening in and hope it doesn’t continue….. I think the Autonomic neuropathy and the abnormal brain wave(s) are connected, along with the gland or hormonal issue… ie… my blood work….

One thing is for sure… my anger is abating… It will never go completely away… I will always be on my guard from those who will try and take and abuse… hubby plans to sit back and watch the show… he’s learned when not too say and when to go for the laughter… he’s a keeper… everyone else, not so much….

As we have no clue how long Hawaii will be home, I am painting the ceiling around the wall line… so we can roll the rest of the ceiling… Went with a gray color… which should reflect the light off the floor and windows and ceiling lighting… once that is done, we move onto the flooring in the bedrooms and continue the pergo floor… can’t ask for better with a life time warranty… but we do the labor, saves us about $10,000 in labor costs… they charge that much here… plan to shop for new countertops… it’s a small kitchen and the seams of the granite, are awful and getting them repaired failed… so new seamless countertops next year some time… add the other split AC system and we are done with this investment… won’t know if we recoup the cost, because the GOP and Trump have screwed things up so bad… no clue if depression, recession or catastrophy awaits us in the next couple of years…. time will tell….

Well back to work…. one thing about this spondolitis stuff… I have struggled with my posture my whole life and I found in my military records I stated my back has always hurt, as long as I could remember at that time and I was only 24 years old… health care in America is only as good as the education …… I’m walking proof of that….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember…. Margie….

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