Woman Up… Why Not???

This journey… how do I convey having over 50 years of amnesia… a part of my life taken by a woman who I called mother… and I struggle with that title, because that is all it is… she gave me life and did all she could to take it back and succeeded…..

I awoke last night to pain… not my mouth… but the body… the back, the legs, the neck, the head…. internally last night was quiet, but the external… let me know it hadn’t forgotten the beatings by christians 50 years ago….

I stood in the kitchen, listening to the crashing waves upon the cliffs, so loud, you could step outside and feel the spray of salt water a mile away…. and like those crashing cliffs, so to was my mind at 3AM… and sleep never came again…

I messaged my daughter and asked her if the mothers of the rest of our grandkids would ever woman up… her message back to me, was they don’t even acknowledge I’m alive… and that I knew already… these women are so much like my own mother, they think I’m not smart enough to see through it… oh well, moving home will be interesting…. as home knows their reputations… they know nothing of us… it will be 20 years since we left there… when we move back… so much accomplished… so much still to do….

I told my daughter, I would rectify that little situation they created… but in my own time and very publicly…. life always presents the opportunities… you just have to be willing to take it when it happens… and I’m already plotting the lesson………………………………….

We heard from all the grandkids, except the boys… they have to find themselves after the influence of their upbringing…. just wow on that one…

As for where and when we move, we’ll find out this week how long the implants will take and if I need reconstructive surgery for the screw up of bone placement at the Arkansas VA in Little Rock… that bone is beyond painful and it wa implanted in 2010…. zillion sighs………………. makes eating a chore, even more so….

Holidays, what little we are doing, the kids are picking up their gifts at the store… money is being saved and postage adds up… not many gifts this year… just enough to keep in touch as hubby and I deal with what is coming… haven’t decided if that info will be in the cards that will get mailed… we kept private about the triple bypass hubby had… this blog is about as public as it gets and most of those close to us, never see it… so privacy is still on point……… maybe… I never assume… it will bite my ass if I do…

Cool day, lots of rain in rainy season… everything is growing so fast… this has been a fun property to cultivate and nuture… day started and things to do…

Stress lately is causing me to dream… it takes time for them to open… I put up so many road blocks on this memory ability… I have to break down my own protective walls I put up… that old refrigerator was the trigger this time, should be interesting as time goes by and I get comfortable with all the invasive dental surgeries… oh yea…. as I shiver….

Have a great cyber Monday… heard it’s lasting more than today….

I Remember… Margie…who will never stop growing as she woman’s up….

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